You are Feest DJ Ruud, a wedding DJ who dreams to make it in the underground industrial techno scene. However, at the moment you are only playing verzoekjes for drunk uncles. You have heard of a legendary techno track with drops so sick it will definitely please the talent scouts.
[[open Soulseek and download the track]]
[[cry and give up]]You download the track but it is encrypted. There's a note with the file that says 'Yee who seeks the sick drops, contact the powerful minimal techno wizard Tjchikk. He lives in Noord.'
[[Travel to Noord]]
[[cry and give up]] While crying and contemplating your many failures a small light appears besides you, it is the spirit of techno. A voice says: 'Rej wasn't made in one day, find your inner beat'. It gives you the strength to try again.
[[Start over]]You seek out the wizard Tjchikk but when you enter his abode you find him trapped in a k-hole.
[[give him sos]]
[[give him keta]]The wizard immediately perks up and says 'Thank you kind wedding DJ for saving me from that k-hole, what can I do for you?' You ask him about the key for the legendary track and he says 'Ah, you are seeking the sick drop? Because you saved me I will give you the first part of the key: CUMQ. I know that the second part of the key is in the hands of a magical unicorn in the enchanted forest of the Amsterdamse Bos.
[[Travel to the Amsterdamse Bos]]
[[cry and give up]] The wizard ODs and you are arrested
[[Start over]] After days of hunting down the elusive unicorn you finally encounter the unicorn in a clearing of the forest. The majestic creature asks 'what do you want, oppresive cis-male?!' It turns out the unicorn is a feminist. You politely asks the unicorn for the second part of the key and they say 'I indeed have the key but first tell me: how do you feel about rom-coms?'
[[Give a fiery argumentation on how the traditional portrayal of romatic relationships in movies further divides the gender stereotypical treatment of women in an already male-dominated society]]
[[say: 'I love Bridget Jones!']]The unicorn is pleased with your answer and gives you the second key: F4NC. They tell you that the third and fourth keys are in the hands of an evil sorcerer called Coh-Roh-Nah. The sorcerer lives in a faraway land, across the borders of this realm, in a place called Diemen.
[[Travel to Diemen]]
[[cry and give up]] The unicorn kills you.
[[Start over]] You arrive at the gates of the castle where the evil sorcerer Coh-Roh-Nah lives.
[[Ring the doorbell and pretend to be an Uber Eats courier]]
[[cry and give up]] The sorcerer falls for the trick and lets you in but quickly realizes he's been fooled. He demands to know what you're doing in his evil lair and when he finds out that you're looking for the key he seems amused. He says: 'So, you're looking for the key? I have the last two parts of the key but if you think I'll give them to you, you're sorely mistaken!'
[[Challenge the sorcerer to a match of insult sword fighting]]
[[cry and give up]] Very well! Know that if you fail, you die. He takes out two swords and hands you one. You assume dueling positions and he says: 'Your mother is a hamster!'
[[Your father is a guinea-pig!]]
[[Your father smells like elder berries!]]
[[Your father likes bologna sandwiches!]]Wrong insult! The sorcerer kills you.
[[Start over]] Well done! The third key is PCQ7. The sorcerer gives you the next insult: 'You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!'
[[I look THAT much like your fiancée?]]
[[Is that your hair or did someone use your head as an ashtray?]]
[[I know, it's part of the foreplay.]]Wrong insult! The sorcerer kills you.
[[Start over]] Well done! You scewer the sorcerer on your sword and with his dying breath he gives you the fourth and final key: V4W9. You return home victorious and with the legendary track you become the best DJ in the scene.
[[Final instructions]]Wrong insult! The sorcerer kills you.
[[Start over]] Wrong insult! The sorcerer kills you.
[[Start over]] Congratulations! Download the UPlay launcher (https://uplay.ubisoft.com/) and plug in the key to get your birthday gift: Assassin's Creed Odyssey